The man who ratted on Haggard said he did so because of the hypocrisy of it all. When he saw his "partner" on TV and discovered who he really was – pastor of a big church that was "anti-gay" and politically involved in opposing gay marriage, he decided to expose him.

  The electrifying news -- probably accelerated by man’s fancy for the lurid – was amply covered by all the networks. But it is likely that the world was not as shocked – and was probably more forgiving – than the church. We have a way of shooting our wounded. Those who are especially "righteous" are outraged when their "righteous" brothers sin so abundantly, particularly when their sins are different from their own. But some – like Dr. James Dobson – said they were grieved at heart over the news.

  We have something to learn from such tragedies – and that is one lesson, that it is indeed tragic. The way of the transgressor is hard, as Scripture assures us. Sin by its very nature is destructive. It destroys, homes, marriages, reputations, livelihoods, relationships – even otherwise effective ministries and churches. The wages of sin are sure to be paid, and they are death in more ways than one.

  What I found particularly poignant in this grim story is something Haggard said in his confession to his congregation. After confessing that he was an adulterer, a liar, and a deceiver, he went on to say: "There is a repulsive and dark side of me that I have struggled with all my life."

  While such a bold, soul-baring confession should set the poor chap on the road to redemption, it is one that we might all make. Or am I overstating the case? Does human nature really have its dark and repulsive side? The Greeks based their philosophy on "Know thyself," but as some cad put it, "If I knew myself I would run away!"

  Or as Socrates put it, "The unexamined life is not worth living." But we might not be able to examine ourselves – honestly looking deeply into our inner self – until we face some such ego-shattering crisis as befell Haggard. While he was riding high as president of the 30-million strong National Association of Evangelicals and pastor of a 14,000 member church he was not likely to admit to a repulsive and dark side of his personality.

  And you notice that he referred to his dark and repulsive impulses as an addiction. He had to cope with these demons all his life. Even as he built a megachurch and worked his way to the top of the largest evangelical association in the world he was in an inner struggle with the demons of darkness within him. It is not that he was necessarily hypocritical – he wasn’t play acting – but that he was victimized by a war that raged within. He lost a battle, and lost big, when his dark side gained dominance. But he has not necessarily lost the war.

  Paul the apostle spoke of such a battle within himself. He wrote of "the law of sin in my members" that was at war with "the law of my mind" that brought him into bondage. While he "delighted in the law of God according to the inward man" there was "another law in my members warring against the law of my mind" (Romans 7:22-23). Like Haggard, Paul saw a repulsive and dark side in his innards.

  In Romans 7:21 Paul is as pathetic as Haggard ever was: "I find then a law, that evil is present with me, one who wills to do good." The evil things that he would not do, he does; and the good things he would do, he doesn’t do! At last he finds his answer: "O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God – through Jesus Christ our Lord! (Romans 7:24-25). This is the answer for us all, but we may first have to reach the place in self-scrutiny where we too can say, Wretched person that I am!

  It should be noted that Paul’s struggle with his dark side did not center in sensual (carnal) sins such as adultery, but in sins of the heart and mind, namely covetousness (Romans 7:7). When we hear of a preacher "falling into sin" we are likely to think of sexual sins. If he demonstrates an inordinate love for self or for money, or if he is blatantly self-serving or offensively arrogant we may not approve but we don’t usually see this as "falling into sin." A preacher can get by with pride but not adultery!

  Augustine spoke of this distinction in terms of "carnalities" and "animosities," insisting that while both types of sin are serious, animosities are far more destructive to the soul. This conforms to a more recent study by Dr. Karl Menninger, who did a book on Whatever Became of Sin? From a background of counseling and psychiatry he made a study of sin, crime, and mental illness and concluded that there is something basically wrong with human nature. After dividing all sins into corporate and individual, he searched for "a terminal word" that would link all sins and decided on hate –what Augustine called animosity.

  But it was Reinhold Niebuhr who forcefully questioned the emphasis that the church has long placed on sensual sins. The "primal sin," he said, is pride, whether among men or angels. In fact, angels cannot commit sensual sins, he humorously insisted, but they have been guilty of sins of pride. Niebuhr, who as a pastor in Detroit became especially provoked by corporate greed, got close to where we all are when he cried out like a prophet against the pride of power, position, and knowledge – and even the pride of virtue and religion!

  Knowledge should humble one, for as Socrates discovered the more one knows the more he realizes how ignorant he is. But as Paul discovered it doesn’t always work that way: "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up" (1 Cor. 8:1). Niebuhr may have been right that even virtue and religion can be, and often are, prideful. This was our Lord’s quarrel with the Pharisees, some of them at least. While they were both virtuous and religious, they "trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others."

  It should give us pause that we might be proud of our virtues. We are honest, law-abiding, diligent, disciplined, thrifty – and so we have the good things in life. It must be that those who have a hard time of it are not virtuous like us. And since we are good, religious people does not that make us better than others?

  Pride shows its repulsive face when we indulge in comparing ourselves with others. Some women aren’t content to be beautiful – they have to be more beautiful or even the most beautiful. The wise man who glories in his wisdom has to be wiser, or even the wisest. If money is the way some keep score, pride demands that we outscore others. Power is not enough – pride insists on more power.

  The sins that Ted Haggard confessed may be but symptoms of the real problem. Sexual trysts – whether homosexual or heterosexual – are but "flea bites," to quote C. S. Lewis, in comparison to selfish pride. Was it not in fact selfish pride that Haggard saw in himself, which he labeled repulsive and dark? And that is what we will all see in ourselves when we lay our souls bare as did Haggard. Pride is the basic sin of the heart – rebellion against God – that produces the carnal sins that get our attention, while pride hides itself.

  It was the sin of our first parents and it is the sin that has devastated human kind ever since. Pride tells God to step aside. Self will be god. Self will do what it pleases. Self may use power, knowledge, education, virtue – even a pulpit -- to promote itself in the eyes of men. But behind it all is self-exaltation and self-gratification. Sexual sins are just one more way of self-rule and a repudiation of the sovereignty of God over our lives.

  We can all say with Paul, "O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this bondage?" And when that time comes we will be more concerned over our own flawed nature than to be judgmental of the failures of others. And hopefully we will find the answer that Paul found, along with countless others throughout history – Thank God – through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Happy Thanksgiving! On Thanksgiving Eve I plan to send you a collection of William Barclay’s prayers of thanksgiving that you might want to share at your family gathering.

Ouida and I, as we have for many years, will gather with her kin for Thanksgiving. During the ten years that Mother Pitts (Ouida’s mother) lived with us the larger family came to our home to be with her. In recent years we have met at one of Ouida’s niece’s home or at a nephew’s home, both in our area These are mostly Ouida’s two sisters and their families – children, grandchildren, great grandchildren -- usually about twenty of us. Ouida always prepares the turkey and dressing. Now a tradition. She has a special way of cooking the turkey – all night long – that she might share with you with a little coaxing.

All these essays, now 150 of them, are available at www.leroygarrett.orgWe will add other names upon request. No names are added except by request.