Ouida and I became engrossed in the tragic story out of Selmer, Tennessee some weeks back, partly because it involved a Churches of Christ minister and his wife. When Matthew Winkler, 31, minister of the Fourth Street Church of Christ in Selmer, failed to show for the Wednesday evening service, some of the members became concerned. When no one answered the phone, they went to the nearby parsonage to check on him.

They found him on the floor dead. The coroner determined that he had died of a gunshot wound. His wife, Mary Winkler, 32, and their three children were missing. They were found a few days later in Orange Beach, Alabama. When questioned, Mary Winkler admitted that she had shot her husband. She and the children were brought back to Tennessee. The children were placed in the care of the preacher’s parents, and Mrs. Winkler was jailed, held without bond. Some weeks later, on June l2, a grand jury indicted Mary Winkler for first-degree murder. If convicted, she could receive the death penalty. Her attorney said she would plead not guilty.

The authorities who arrested her said that she revealed to them her motive, but her lawyer denied this. She had not given a motive! And for weeks there were news items about the case, but still no motive revealed. Ouida and I were puzzled as to a possible motive. Why would a dear, sweet preacher’s wife – as she was described by those in the congregation – kill her husband?

Since I have never depended on the church for a living, and have never really been minister to a church, Ouida could hardly be called a preacher’s wife. But she has nonetheless been intensely concerned for the plight of Mary Winkler. She sees her as harried by three young children to raise, meals to prepare, a house to keep, and one more adjustment to make in moving to a new church. They had been at the Selmer church less than a year. And probably not much help from her busy husband, gone more than he was at home. But kill her husband for this?

Ouida wondered if she might have been browsing on the computer only to discover that her husband had been cheating on her. Did he abuse her or the children? The news about the case was frequent, including coverage in the Christian Chronicle, a Churches of Christ newspaper, but still no motive revealed.

At last Mary Winkler told her story to the judge. Her husband was hyper critical of her, for most everything she did, even the way she walked. She could not please him. Whatever she did, he criticized her. There had been a siege of criticism the evening before. Her resentment, anger, and frustration must have reached the boiling point by the next morning. She told the judge she did not remember shooting her husband, but she did remember the loud discharge of the gun, and seeing her husband on the floor dying. She told the judge that she went to him, pleading and telling him she was sorry, and at last said to him "I love you."

There is apparently an outpouring of sympathy and support from the Selmer Church of Christ for Mary Winkler, however shocked they are by what has happened. In interviews various members, especially some of the women, say that they love her and will see her through this. She will of course remain incarcerated, awaiting trial.

The motive at last revealed, Ouida and I pondered how it might have been. I thought of my friend Joe Tom Pittard, a psychiatrist in San Antonio. While in his home some years back I asked him about people with such problems, where hurt and resentment keep building up. "Ventilation," he said. "One must ventilate it – get it out, talk about it." Did poor Mary Winkler, the emotionally battered and bruised preacher’s wife, have no one to talk to? Could she not confront her husband, or did she try to no avail? There is something to be said – for ventilation’s sake – for a shouting match with one’s spouse! Even in the church was there no one she could go to? And, dear soul, did she take her burdens to the Lord?

This tragedy in a typical Church of Christ should serve as a wake up call. How many people do we have in our congregations that are nursing grievances to the point of volatile behavior? What occasions do we provide for hurting people to ventilate their feelings? Are we a listening people? Are our congregations merely audiences or are we family?

I think too of Matthew Winkler, son – or maybe grandson -- of a prominent Church of Christ minister. Poor chap, did he not know what was going on with his own wife? As a minister to the souls of people, did he not realize the destructive nature of cruel criticism? Was he another among us who saved others while neglecting – even bruising -- his own family? Could he not occasionally tell his wife that he loved and appreciated her, and commend her for being a good wife and a good mother? If they could have talked with each other, prayed together, and laughed together this tragedy would have never happened.

This tragedy led Ouida to say to me, "You should teach a course for men on how to treat a woman." Did you hear that? My wife thinks I know how to treat a woman! Well, I suppose that sums up what happened in Selmer, Tennessee. Matthew Winkler didn’t know how to treat his wife – or even worse, he tragically neglected to do what he knew he should do.

Well, in spite of Ouida’s complimentary suggestion, I am not likely to teach a course on how to treat a woman. But I might do an essay on the subject! A short one. I will do little more than take a line from a song from Camelot – The way to treat a woman is to love her, love her, love her. That says it. That would be my course. That is my essay.

At our 60^th anniversary party in 2004 I was asked how one does a happy marriage for six decades. I explained that I have learned to say three things – I was wrong, I am sorry, and I love you. That will do it for 60 years plus!

If I added a word or two more it would be a mix of common sense, humor, and unselfishness. Common sense tells a man that his wife wants to be appreciated, and that he does himself a favor by loving his wife and showing that love. One way to show love is by expressing appreciation, and by thanking her for all the thing she does. Humor helps one not to take himself too seriously, and to be able to laugh at himelf and to laugh with his wife. Unselfishness leads one to think of his wife’s needs and feelings more than his own.

As for criticism, a man should never criticize his wife, no matter what she does. Never! If a man is not critical of his wife, she is less likely to shoot him.

On the Fourth of July Ouida and I read – she read to me – from the eminent historians Samuel Eliot Morison and Henry Steele Commanger on the American Revolution. We were impressed with how unpopular the call for independence from Great Britain was in the Colonies. And once the war for independence started there were many who wanted Washington’s army to be defeated. Had it not been for a little pamphlet titled Common Sense by Thomas Paine – which changed many a heart by its appeal to natural rights – there would likely have been no war for independence. We were reminded that the pen is often more powerful than the sword.

We remind you that this Sunday, July 9, I will speak on "Our Lord in Gethsemane" at the Pecan Grove Church of Christ in Greenville, TX. From there we are taking a short vacation,, visiting friends in East Texas. One such friend, Larry Ground, who lives with his wife Jane in Tyler, is now 89. He likes to tell about a gospel tent meeting we did together 67 years ago! I don’t like to think about it, for I am haunted by how foolish and ignorant – and sectarian -- I was at the time. That is why I’ve written my name alongside Psalm 73:21-24, one of my purple passages.