WISDOM FROM CHINA: "GIVE IN A BIT" 

Their names are Bess Li and Li Rou-Xin, and they are wife and husband. She is American and so her sir name comes last; he is Chinese and so his sir name comes first. Westerners may not always realize that in a name like Mao Tse-tung that the first name is the last name.

Bess and Rou-Xin were interviewed on the "Today Show," and they were asked how a trans-cultural marriage like theirs can be made to work. Bess gave the answer, drawing on a Chinese word which she defined as Give in a bit. I was impressed that she had identified a principle that goes to the very heart of all human relations. Life is such and human relations are such that there is no way to make everything work for long except by the principle of reasonable compromise or giving in a bit. It applies to negotiating on the local school board or in the circles of international diplomacy.

Most Chinese wisdom goes back to Confucius who based his philosophy on right relationships, the key being sympathy. Like all the wise men of the ancient East, as well as the Greek philosophers, Confucius believed that the golden rule of life is to avoid extremes. Through sympathetic understanding both individuals and nations move closer to each other. Conformity, so long as it does not call for a compromise of one's convictions, is considered a virtue. So, "Give in a bit" is sound Confucianism. But is it not a universal principle and does it not find expression in the Christian faith? Even more, is it not a principle of Christian unity?

If I chose but one text for "Give in a bit" it would be Phillip. 4:5: "Let your gentleness be known to all men." The gentleman was, by the way, the ideal man in Confucianism, and the wise men laid out a lot of philosophy on what it meant to be gentle. Alexander Campbell too was willing to make that the basis of his educational philosophy, educating one to be a gentleman (or a gentlewoman). But he stressed the difference between being genteel, which is a matter of wealth, class, and finesse, and being gentle, which is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, in short Christlikeness.

And what did Paul mean by gentleness - or moderation as it is sometimes rendered? MacKnight says it means "meekness under provocation, readiness to forgive injuries, sweetness of disposition.'' Lenski sees the term to mean yieldingness. I think it could be rendered, "Let your sweet reasonableness be known to all men." MacKnight cites Tit. 3:2 as similar: "to speak evil of no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing all humility to all men." He sees the apostle calling for this kind of example before the world "because thereby they would effectually recommend their religion to their persecutors." And, as 1 Pet. 2:12 puts it: "they may, by your good works which they observe, glorify God in the day of visitation."

It is an impressive promise that the very ones that persecute us will be led to glorify God when they see in us the sweet disposition that is in Christ. And when the world sees in us that love and acceptance that gives in a bit they will know that we are truly the disciples of Christ, according to Jn. 13:35. And did not our Lord pray to the effect that the world would believe once it saw his disciples united in their love for one another? (Jn. 17:21)

It is the sweet, gentle, forbearing spirit that is the bond of the more meaningful human relationships. A marriage endures, joyously endures, not because the couple sees things alike but because they are sweet and reasonable, and because when differences are a problem each one gives in a bit. So with a church: it can be neither a united church nor a happy church on the basis of doctrinal agreement, but by its members giving in a bit in a spirit of love. A readiness to forgive injuries is the way of peace, and if one is of the disposition to give in a bit the readiness is always there.

This does not mean that truth is ever to be compromised. In reference to "the weightier matters" - those things of which the kingdom of God consists - we are not to give in even a bit. When it involves the integrity of the gospel or our commitment to Christ, we must be as Paul was in Gal. 2:5: "to whom we did not yield submission even for an hour, that the truth of the gospel might continue with you." And yet the same man was ready to give in on other matters: "If food makes my brother stumble, I will never again eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble." (1 Cor. 8:13)

This means that there are differences both tolerable and intolerable, but even when differences are intolerable we should be tolerant of the person. We can never yield to the presumptions of atheism, but the atheist should be able to see in us the disposition of loving acceptance. Our Lord had a way of distinguishing between the sin and the sinner. He did not approve of adultery but he accepted the adulterer; he did not endorse Zachaeus' way of life but he nonetheless went to his home for lunch.

But most of our problems in the church are either of a personal sort or over doctrinal matters that are not all that important - or even when we deem them important they are not essential. Here we must have the grace to give in a bit. It is the grace of Rom. 15:7: "Receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God." What wonderful grace it is that Christ received me even when I was still wrong about a lot of things! That is the grounds on which I am to receive you.

This we can do, each of us, without ever violating our own conscience. I can receive all my sisters and brothers in Christ as equals without endorsing any belief or practice that runs counter to my own conviction. If I think it is wrong to sing with a piano or to take communion from an individual cup, then I should quietly and lovingly refrain from such practices. But I can still accept those who have no such scruples. The apostle Paul sees no problem in such difference so long as we love and accept one another anyway: "One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind." (Rom. 14:5)

That last line is one of the most liberating truths in the New Testament. I am not to be judged by my brother's scruples, but I am to be judged for the way I treat him when his scruples run counter to my own. I am to be convinced in my own mind, not that of another.

This is what unity is all about: not only disagreeing agreeably, not only giving in a bit, but loving each other, accepting each other, and forgiving each other, just as Christ loved, accepted, and forgave us. Warts and all, differences and all, no questions asked and no lines drawn.  —the Editor