HOW TO AVOID PAYING YOUR FAIR SHARE
Norman Parks

With income tax time upon us, every faithful church member should be activated by examples already set to claim at once his royal heritage and make it pay. It can put thousands of dollars—real cash—into his pocket, or at least leave it there, come April 15!

How is this done? Simply by putting into practical operation the theological principle embraced by the Church of Christ that every member belongs to the royal priesthood. Harding College faculty members are already setting the pace by getting as much as $8,000 a year each in housing allowances alone, and saving the college big chunks of Social Security taxes to boot.

But if you say that the IRS intends these special tax benefits only for the clergy, the answer is that all of us are clergymen. This truth ranks right along with baptism in importance in our theology. Indeed, our baptismal certificate is also our certificate as a minister. One does not have to be paid to be a minister. Just who paid the tentmaker during his years at Ephesus?

Even more important, if you are paid, you don’t have to be paid by a church or paid for preaching. Just any old income will do so long as you are a member of the royal priesthood, which you are. You can teach math or chemistry or clerk or farm and still be eligible for luscious tax deductions. Harding has shown us how by its “new method of calculation.”

Here it is straight from Harding’s vice-president: By adopting a “new method of calculation” he has enabled “male faculty members of Harding College, Inc.” to receive “housing allowances for 1976 for as much as $8,000,” and “in view of the beautiful way in which this program worked for 1976, we are following the same plan for 1977.” Now one might take a crack at his obvious anti-feminism by denying the female faculty his tax plums, but that might divert us from contemplating the beautiful landscape of tax benefits to which we are entitled by our theology.

Now with your 1977 IRS worksheets spread before you, start drooling as we list a few of these deduction plums which are yours as members of the royal priesthood. (1) You can deduct “anything spent to provide a home” (the good vice-president’s words), including legal fees, deeds, and monthly mortgage payments. (2) As a special sweetener, you can deduct taxes and interest in your housing allowance, above, and then list them again as itemized deductions—in short, you can deduct them twice! Now isn’t that a beaut for all of us priests!

But we are just getting started. You can also deduct (3) all insurance on house and contents, (4) all house repairs and upkeep, including painting, storm windows, re-roofing, plumbing bills, electric and gas bills, firewood, and, of course, depreciation, (5) all appliances—deep freeze, stove, refrigerator, vacuum cleaner, washer and dryer, TV, and garbage compacter, (6) bedding, furniture, drapes, rugs, pictures on the wall, and (7) maidservice and baby sitter service and “whatever it takes to make a home complete” (get that quote).

If you keep proper records, you can deduct (9) cleaning supplies-brooms, Drano, Ajax, and perfumed soaps, (10) light bulbs and flashlight and smoke alarm batteries, and (11) outside your tax-free home such things as a new sidewalk, a new landscaping job, lawn fertilizer, and even the lawnmower.

Is it not wonderful that we are members of a church that does not have a special clergy, one in which all of us belong to the royal priesthood? We are the called-out, the separated, and the IRS makes a clear-cut distinction between us ministers and the Common Joes and Janes who have to put and put. Since we are different, we don’t have to render unto Caesar all that is Caesar’s. Let’s grab our special tax deduction goodies now—lest it be demonstrated that our theological principles are a pious fraud! —404 Minerva, Murfreesboro, TN 37130