FORBEARANCE AND UNITY

It is noteworthy that the apostle would turn to character traits (virtues) in his great appeal for unity in Eph. 4. He first “begs” the believers to lead a life worthy of their calling, which has more to do with their fruit than with their doctrine. He writes of lowliness, meekness, and patience. It is unlikely that oneness is ever realized without these, whether it be a business, a family, or a congregation. A good way to see the meaning of an idea is to understand its opposite. In this case it would be pride, arrogance, and the show of annoyance. These are hardly the climate for unity and fellowship. Paul is showing us that oneness, like all delicate human experiences, must be nurtured in a positive atmosphere of love and goodwill.

But the emphasis is upon forbearance born of love. “Forbearing one another in love” is the key to the unity that the apostle taught. The implication is important to our understanding of the nature of unity, which is that unity cannot be uniformity of doctrine or interpretation. Otherwise he would not call for forbearance, for there is nothing to forbear if everyone sees everything eye to eye. The call for forbearance infers that there will be difficulties and misunderstandings. Uniformity, such as may be found in a strict military situation or in a Communist cell, has no need for forbearance. It was likewise among the strictest sect of the Pharisees. They had their virtues, no doubt, but forbearance was not one of them, for when people are ruled by an arbitrary dogmatism there is little need for toleration.

Forbearance, therefore, can be a virtue only in a free society. It is free people who forbear and are forborne. The apostle is writing as a free man to a free people in Rom. 14:1: “As for the man who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not for disputes over opinions. One believes he may eat anything, while the weak man eats only vegetables.” He is saying that believers do not have to be carbon copies of each other. There can be diversity in that one believes one way while another believes a different way. Forbearance can be real in a Christian community because all are equal, with no one accountable to anyone except the Lord himself. “Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls.” We forbear one another in love because we are together servants of another rather than to each other. Jesus as our judge liberates us from sitting in judgment on each other.

In an unfree society where men are subject to other men, or to a party or a system, forbearance is unknown for the simple reason that totalitarian structures allow for no variety or diversity. When the end in view is the welfare of the party, the virtues are loyalty, industry, and sacrifice. Not lowliness, not meekness, not patience. Unfree systems demand conformity of thought and uniformity of behavior. Religious sectarian systems are as much this way as political. So long as they are sectarian, which means that party loyalty comes before personal considerations, there is no need for an apostle or anyone else to plead for loving forbearance. Partyism cannot forbear anyone whose teaching or behavior threatens its very existence.

Forbearance is a beautiful word in that it implies a respect for personality, a reverence toward others. Its action turns toward us as well as toward others, for it calls for self-control and patient restraint. Webster sees forbear to mean “Keep oneself in check, control oneself under provocation.” A synonym is refrain. We may thus encourage others to speak or act, even when we believe they are wrong, while we refrain from speaking or acting even when we are sure we are right. Truth does not always need the protection we are so eager to give it. A brother’s feelings may be more precious at the moment.

We may constrain our brother in love, which is to motivate him in that direction that is for his good, but we never restrain in love, unless it be a child not yet responsible for his conduct. This means that a brother has the right to be different from me. Forbearance means that I will restrain myself by not criticizing or judging him, allowing him to be his own man before the Lord. This is not to be that kind of toleration that assumes superiority or a “holier than thou” attitude, but that loving forbearance that accepts the brother just as much as if he agreed with me. When we are forbearing we cause one to feel at ease in our presence.

Some psychologists contend that we all have vibrations that we impose upon those in our presence. Either it is a positive aura of friendliness and kindness or a negative one of suspicion and hate. Few of us are exactly neutral. It is the kind of thing that leads some to insist that a dog can tell when you are afraid of him. If we do indeed put our vibrations, apart from what we say or do, we need to check them against Paul’s list of virtues that lead to peace: lowliness, meekness, patience, and loving forbearance.

We may here have what can be called “the back door to unity” in that oneness is realized through loving forbearance, apart from all the ecumenical councils and unity forums we can muster. This also shows us how unity is “the unity of the Spirit” rather than our own doing. Forbearance is a fruit of the Spirit. When that fruit is borne, oneness will follow as sunshine the rain.

One thing is sure, in cultivating the grace of loving forbearance we are acknowledging that unity is something more than conformity or uniformity. Unity by its very nature is diverse, and in Christ we have the cohesive of love that binds everything together in perfect harmony.

It is coercion that makes for conformity, but it is forbearance that makes for harmony. —the Editor