CONCERNING THE FOREGOING

We have fallen heir to several hundreds of copies of the chart referred to above. This assumes, we suppose, that we have become a clearinghouse for the Church of Christ underground. An underground that keeps office hours. Anyway, the chart is absolutely diabolical and fiendish. When they were all dumped into my lap on the Q.T., far removed from my home state, it was suggested that I was the one man in the country who could dispose of them properly, presumably because I have already lost all there is to lose.

Well, I may have no reputation left, but I do have honor. Some anyhow. But to make short order of my sinful story, I bore the contraband across several states, and have since busied myself with placing one occasionally in someone’s order of books or along with a letter. It is risky business, but I have resigned myself to my fate.

A letter came only today from a brother who heard that I had the charts. He wanted 100 copies, and he was willing to pay whatever I asked. He said he had seen one and that “it is the funniest thing since Gary Freeman’s ‘Funny Thing’.” I now see that my smuggled goods have monetary value, though surely no other value. So, I decided to ration but a few to the greedy brother and offer the others on the black market.

While I am sinning I may as well take Luther’s advice and sin abundantly. They cost me absolutely nothing, save the pangs of conscience for having them in my possession. Now I am to sell them at a big fat profit. Usually all such profit goes into the publication of Restoration Review, but not so with this money. Nothing common or unclean will defile the columns of this noble journal, certainly not filthy lucre. I shall lay it aside for a ticket to see the Cowboys play in the Super Bowl. All my evil conduct will then have its just reward, judging by past performances when the Cowboys play the big ones!

The chart is about Church of Christ preachers and colleges, college presidents, publishing houses. But mostly preachers. It has them classified into 40 or 50 categories, all of them making up “The Church of Christ Establishment.” It moves from “Left” to “Right”, with those directions having their implications. And it is in color!

I have to admit that when you start connecting the name with the category that it gets right down funny, and it does give us another opportunity to laugh at ourselves. And there is truth . in the irony. Some are “Saints” with Alexander Campbell ahead of the list, but J. Edgar Hoover is also there!

Carl Ketcherside and I are listed under “Freedom Riders”, but we have company. And I know the others will just love that.

Some are “The Picket Line”, some are the Foreign Legion”, and some are “Gladiators”. Then there are the “Money Changers”, “Four Horsemen”, and “Book of theMonth Club”.

To the far left you have the “Picket Line”, “Doctors of the Law”, “Suffragettes”. Then there is “Vatican East” and “Vatican West”. There is the “Vaudeville Acts”, “Children”s Crusades”, and “Alchemists”.

It gets real mean when it lists the “Blind Guides”, “Provincial Sinecures”, and “Court Jesters”. We even have our “Holy Office” and our great “White Knight” (guess who?). To the left is “Black Power”, while to the right is “Uncle Tom’s Cabin”.

On and on it goes. One brother only is placed in the “House Organist” and only one is “Single Shot”. A number of enterprising sisters make the list, including the exorcist that we reported about a few issues back. The “Jet Set” is numerous, while the “Rich Young Rulers” are three in number.

Will you be edified? No. Entertained? Yes. Does it say anything? Perhaps.

In trying to guess who may have created this perfidious sheet, it would have to be somebody who knows us well—very well indeed. Who else would know to classify one dear brother (God pity him!) as both a “Gladiator” and a “Blind Guide”.

This is to say that the chart would not mean much either way—you could not even laugh—if you do not know the brotherhood like a book. Of course, you can always get a copy and hold it while the price goes up!

Only two to a customer and the two for 35 cents. Or a single one for 25 cents. That will bring in enough for two tickets to the Super Bowl. For I have taken the fruit to my beloved—and she did eat.

Oh, yes, I just have to spill one bean. There is one brother (?) placed under “So Near and Yet So Far.” Lyndon Johnson!

For your tickets form the line down the center, please.—the Editor