UP AND DOWN WITH THE CHRONICLE

The Christian Chronicle, a Church of Christ newspaper published in Texas, purports to be a kind of clearing house for news of that religious party’s doings. The exuberance of the editors for the merits of their party is perfectly understandable and occasions, usually, only mild amusement. But once in a while party pride stretches its long, thin neck so sillily that a reader may be excused for venturing a moderate chastisement.

Blatant bragging is always annoying, even when there is some good reason for it. The blatant bragging of the May 20 edition of the Chronicle is especially annoying because there is no reason for it at all.

A headline of Page One trumpets: PEPPERDINE REFUSES $1 MILLION GIFT. The reader is directed to an editorial which explains what the writer sees as an amazing proof of the integrity of one of Our Schools. Here is the story:

A dog food manufacturer worth millions left a will which included five major bequests. The John Birch Society got $1,000,000 for its work in the redemption of American society. Another $1,000,000 went to Dan Smoot, a conservative radio political commentator. A splendid $1,500,000 went to the setting up of the Defenders of American Liberty, a group designed to counter the work of the American Civil Liberties Union. The dog food maker’s widow got another million. And finally, $1,000,000 was willed conditionally to George Pepperdine, a Church of Christ college in Los Angeles.

The condition? Take a good grip on your chair lest the stunning cynicism of the proposal knock you out of it. The man who made millions concocting savory dishes for Man’s Best Friend offered Pepperdine the money if the college would grant an honorary degree to Dan Smoot! Mr. Smoot’s conservative pronouncements would then carry more weight, you see, and Pepperdine would have one million doggy dollars.

It is not at all surprising to me that Dr. Norvel Young, president of Pepperdine, refused this mangy offer. He is not an imperceptive man; he knows perfectly well that acceptance of such a gift would put Pepperdine in the company of incredibly extremist groups and ruin whatever image it has left as a liberal arts college. What is surprising is that the editor of the Chronicle has not seen that there was no temptation at all, and that Pepperdine has therefore shown no special integrity worth mentioning.

Where there is no temptation, there is no test of virtue. No one can believe that Pepperdine was tempted in the least to take this rabid cash. All such a story deserves is a wryly humorous acknowledgment of its bizarreness and a quiet joy that Pepperdine was not idiotic enough to accept it.

Instead, blinded by party pride, our editor uses the incident to establish the moral superiority of one of Our Schools. He says that through the national coverage given the incident Pepperdine has established a sterling record of academic integrity from coast to coast. What unbearable nonsense! The only thing Pepperdine has established is its sanity, and anyone who finds it necessary to proclaim his sanity is already half way to neuroticism.

It seems certain that our editor would have said nothing about this except for party pride. For the question inevitably will arise in the minds of some: why should this millionaire have supposed that Pepperdine would be interested in his proposal at all? What gave him the notion that this Church of Christ school might conceivably be receptive to his cynical scheme?

It could be that our millionaire had been following the Americanism program at Harding College, aped slightly by Abilene Christian and Oklahoma Christian. and had decided that the Church of Christ apparently had some affinity for the Far Right. It is this profoundly disturbing thought which should have deterred the Chronicle editors from printing this story where anybody could see it.

Another headline in this same issue of the Chronicle reads: RANDY MATSON BAPTIZED. This odd singling out of an individual is utterly foreign to the New Testament spirit, but it accords well with a Church of Christ party pride which sometimes approaches mania.

In case you did not know it, Randy is a world record holder in the shotput. I once saw him heave the cannonball in a Wichita stadium and I was impressed. Not so much by his toss, but by the most prodigious grunt I have ever heard emanate from a human being. I was sitting more than three hundred feet away and I heard that great booming grunt as if it came from the neighbor at my elbow. It was explained to me that the grunt helps Randy throw the shot.

Now if Randy’s baptism is heralded to encourage young people to believe that even great athletes may be religious, I have no objection to the intention. But twenty-five years in the Party convince me that this is not the primary reason for the headline. Randy Matson’s conversion is big news because his name adds lustre to the Party’s progress. The baptism of John Doe in Centerville, Texas is unhearlded because he can cast no brilliance upon our Party’s name.

But Randy can, and so Randy gets a headline for his immersion. And, furthermore, he gets credit from the local preacher for being terribly sincere. “I have never known a more sincere person,” his preacher says. I envy those who know how to measure sincerity. In my dotage I confess to having been fooled so often that I no longer make statements about who is sincere and who isn’t. And especially not for publication. It seems to me that evaluating sincerity is God’s preserve and I do not mean to poach upon it. I suspect the preacher wouldn’t have said it, either, except that he was caught up in the hullabaloo about this Important Convert and wanted to add fuel to the fire.

It all brings up faint echoes from a not-too-happily-remembered past, when we were touting Bobby Morrow because he could run, and was One Of Us, and Byron Nelson because he could golf, and was One Of Us, and Pat Boone, because he could sing, and was One Of Us, and Billie Sol because he could give, and was One Of Us . . .

Gentlemen, please!

But it is only nine-tenths of my nature that is crusty; the other tenth is juicy with the milk of human kindness and I do have a good word to say for the Chronicle. I vote for a round of sustained applause for their decision to print Gary Freeman’s column. For the first time in years I now pick up this paper with the knowledge that at least one article in it will be provocative, entertaining, or both at once. I fervently hope that the plaudits of a non-conformist will not embarrass either Gary or the Chronicle, but honesty demands that I say how much this well-written, witty column means to one who has looked so long in vain for anything talented in most of our papers. If the Chronicle will accept this shy overture, I will even go so far as to say that Gary’s column is worth the subscription price on the paper. —Friends University, Wichita, Kan.