HOW TO SUCCEED IN PARTY POLITICS
by Stan Paregien

NOTE: The following suggestions were expressly designed for use by young, inexperienced preachers who are seeking stardom in the Texas-Tennessee brand of party politics. However, one may easily adapt these rules to fit any of the other twenty-four factions in the Restoration Movement.

1. Send reports of your meetings to at least one brotherhood magazine. Needless to say, one should report only the “great” meetings; those with poor “visible results” are better left unpublicized. For as one veteran preacher knowingly commented after several nights of a gospel meeting had gone by with no results, “We’ve got to do better than this. How will it look in “The Old Repliable?”

While improving your own image, it may also prove to be profitable to mention that “Brother Blank, who is the regular minister at Faithful Church of Christ, is carrying on the work in a fine way.” This tactic is based on the philosophy that “if you scratch his back, he’ll scratch yours,” and it has been found to work quite effectively.

2. Attend all of the Christian College lectureships you possibly can find time for. Perhaps all that is said at the lectureships will not be especially enlightening or inspiring — perhaps not even consistent — but you don’t have to agree with all that is taught; just don’t let anyone know about your heretical views! Every faithful preacher knows there are two sides to every question: the wrong way and the party’s way. One who dares to rock the party boat may find himself treading water. Besides, most elderships want a regular party man — a “putty” man — and, remember this, a preacher can’t afford to bite the hand that signs his check.

3. Never fail to send in pictures and copy to one of the brotherhood papers (preferably the one which directs the party machine in your area) for any and everything your congregation does — the more exposure your name gets, the better off you are. This word of warning, however, to the novice: don’t capitalize the word “church” when used as the party title. A monstrous mistake like that would very likely start the faithful brethren wondering whether you have “gone digressive.”

4. As greener pastures call you from congregation to congregation, always go to a larger church. For the best results, try to end up preaching in Texas or Tennessee and if you can also preach for a congregation located near a Christian College, so much the better. After all, if you are going to work in the Lord’s vineyard, you may as well be in a position to take home a generous share of the grapes.

The only problem you may encounter in this endeavor is the occasional fanatic who will ask why you are preaching to the saved rather than being in a mission area preaching to the lost. Just tell him you think you can do more good where you now work; that will probably hold the questioner until you can formulate a better excuse.

5. Choose some prominent preacher’s pet project and get behind it. Then push, push, push to make it a glittering success. In this way the brethren will come to associate your name with that of the more widely known preacher, thereby enhancing your stature in their eyes. You may even come to be recognized as a rising star in the Party firmament.

6. Learn to be a “name dropper.” Ordinary brethren — the laity — will tend to be impressed if they think you are on familiar, friendly terms with the big-name preachers. A young minister elbowing for a place in the sun must keep in mind that the firm foundation upon which the party’s system of preacher promotion rests is this inspired principle: “It’s not WHAT you know; it’s WHO you know.”

7. Be sure to have your name and picture included in the official preacher’s album, Ministers of Today. After all, what group of elders would be reckless enough to consider hiring a preacher who is not even listed among the approved faithful gospel preachers?

8. Learn to use the ecclesiastical vocabulary sanctioned by the Party. The uncrowned king of the Party would be most pleased to send you his ex officio definitions if you will send your word list to him, in care of the party paper which he edits.

However, for those who are too busy to do so, we suggest that every aspiring young preacher familiarize himself with these basic words: First, the word “liberal” may be defined as, “That person (or group) who has something or believes in something which we do not have or in which we do not believe.” Secondly, the word “anti” may be defined as, “That person (or group) who does not have what we have or does not subscribe to what the Bible says (sometimes maliciously called our “interpretation”).” Thirdly, a word which should be applied quite cautiously is the word, “faithful.” It may be defined as, “Any person (or group) which has what we have and believes what we believe, as directed by the party bosses.” Fourthly, the term “matter of faith” simply refers to anything which WE believe is taught in the Bible. Conversely, a “matter of opinion” is anything which we are not too concerned about, unless someone tries to bind it upon us as being Scriptural.

Any young minister who wants prominence in party politics will probably find it by following the system suggested above. However, numerous feathers in a party cap will hardly be satisfying to one who devoutly desires stars in a heavenly crown.

Happily, there are indications that many consecrated young Christian men are becoming concerned about the obvious inconsistencies between our preaching and our practicing. They are becoming increasingly aware of their ability to secure spiritual emancipation by throwing off the shackles of tradition forged by the Party blacksmiths. They recognize that, as Emerson said in a speech entitled, “The American Scholar,”

The world is his who can see through its pretension. What deafness, what stone-blind custom, what overgrown error you behold is there only by sufferance. See it to be a lie, and you have already dealt it its mortal blow.

The eyes of many disciples are moist with tears when they reflect upon the broken hearts, confused lives, and lost souls bobbing in the wake left by preachers in their sacred scramble for the chief seats in the synagogue. But, a system which promotes the preaching of “sweet nothings” and practices party politics instead of Christian principles can expect little else — what was it Paul said? Something about sowing and reaping.

It takes courage, humility, faith, and fortitude for a young preacher to turn from the party’s primrose path to the rugged road of reform and restoration. For the young man who chooses spiritual freedom, the future does not promise a prominent pulpit in Nashville, Abilene, Lubbock, or Dallas, as the following lines by an unknown writer suggest:

“Father, where shall I work today?”

And my love flowed warm and free.

Then He pointed me toward a tiny spot

And said, “Tend that for Me.”

I answered quickly, “Oh no, not that!

Why, no one would ever see,

No matter how well my work was done

In that little place for Thee.”

And the word He spoke, it was not stern,

He answered me tenderly:

“Ah, little one, search that heart of thine;

Art thou working for them or Me?

Nazareth was a little place,

And so was Galilee!”

So, the question for the young preacher to ask himself is this: do you want to follow party preachments enshrined in unwritten creeds, or do you desire to freely explore the forgotten frontiers of faith? Have you made your decision? Who is to reign as king in your life — the patron saint of the party, or the Prince of Peace? — 3524 Anderson S.E., Albuquerque, New Mexico

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The article “Beware of ‘Liberalism’” in the October issue was mistakenly assigned to Stan Paregien. Its author was rather Terence E. Johnson, now minister to the Church of Christ, 1406 Sixteenth Ave., Rockford, Illinois 61108. Both Stan and Terry were recently at David Lipscomb College together, and since they think and write somewhat alike, and since we had articles on hand from them both, we assigned an unidentified article to the wrong one. We are sorry.

This article is by Stan Paregien, and we are happy to report that he is now doing graduate work at the University of New Mexico.